Parent child conflict increases during adolescence as the healthy teenager pushes for more independence to grow and healthy parents restrain that push in the interests of safety and responsibility. Each of “the five engines that drive independence”—separation, expansion, differentiation, opposition, responsibility—creates a different source of dispute. SEPARATION can cause disagreements over time with peers versus time with […]

…continuing How to Spot Emotional Unavailability (Part 1) Most people reveal their emotional availability early on. Pay attention to the facts, especially if there’s mutual attraction. Even if the person seems to be Mr. or Mrs. Right, yet is emotionally unavailable, you’re left with nothing but pain. If you overlook, deny, or rationalize to avoid […]

If you’ve ever been in a relationship full of emotional unavailability, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or are just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance. You […]

There is a long and interesting story published in the New York Times that asks whether we can teach emotional intelligence.  It begins with a lovely story of a kindergarten teacher coaching his young students on what they might say when an angry parent makes them feel scared. It struck a nerve.  A few days ago, I spent several hours […]

It’s a too-familiar story. James and Cindy have come in for couples counseling because they worry they have grown apart. With three children under the age of 12, they want to see if they can salvage their marriage. They can’t imagine breaking up the family even though they feel they are breaking up. Cindy is […]